Welcome to part 2 of our exploration into autism and empathy! In part 1, I discussed the skill of empathic attunement, which includes both cognitive and emotional empathy, and how these separate components of empathy may be experienced and expressed differently by autistic individuals.
I also dispelled the pervasive myth that autistic people lack empathy, highlighting the unique ways in which they express empathy and the misunderstandings that can arise as a result.
Now I will dive deeper into the challenges autistic individuals and those around them face when navigating empathy across neurotypes. I will also offer practical strategies to improve empathic interactions between autistic and neurotypical individuals to create a community where people can connect more deeply regardless of neurotype. Let’s do this!
Challenges With Autism and Empathy
The intersection of autism and empathy introduces a range of differences in the way autistic individuals experience and express empathy compared to more neurotypical people. This is primarily due to the distinct ways autistic individuals process social, emotional, and sensory information. These differences can significantly impact the relationships of autistic individuals, leaving them feeling terribly misunderstood by the more neurotypical people around them.
Social Communication Differences
Autistic individuals may struggle to interpret nonverbal cues such as facial expressions, tone of voice, and body language. These cues are often critical for empathic attunement since they provide context to other people's emotional states. When these cues are misread or just missed altogether, it can lead to responses that seem out of sync with the social situation.
Autism is also often associated with a more literal and direct style of communication. In a highly emotional situation, this directness may be perceived as a lack of empathy, which can become an unfortunate misunderstanding of the individual’s intent.
Autistic individuals tend to get frustrated when neurotypical people won’t just say what they mean. They may care deeply, but without clear, direct communication of what a more neurotypical person is experiencing, they may struggle to respond in a way the neurotypical person feels is empathetic even when the autistic individual cares very deeply.
Sensory Sensitivities
Many autistic individuals have heightened sensory sensitivities that can make typical social environments overwhelming. This sensory overload can impede their ability to focus on understanding others' nonverbal cues and emotions, because managing the toxic level of sensory input becomes a priority. They literally do not have the bandwidth to tune into other things.
Processing Differences
Many autistic individuals report experiencing a delay in processing social and emotional information. This delay can hinder immediate empathic responses, leading to timing issues that affect social synchronicity. They may empathize deeply, but it just takes them a little longer to process the information. Sadly, they may then feel shame when they realize they were not able to respond in the ways the other person expected.
Alexithymia
According to studies, anywhere from half to 85 percent of autistic individuals struggle with something called alexithymia. This refers to difficulties identifying, describing, and expressing emotions. People with alexithymia often have trouble identifying their own emotions, which makes identifying emotions in others even more challenging.
Alexithymia can also impact others’ ability to understand what the autistic individual is feeling. Researchers use a term called expressive incoherence to describe the disconnect that can occur between an individual's internal emotional experience and their outward emotional expression. What they are feeling on the inside may not match what they display on the outside.
For example, an autistic individual might laugh when they are feeling afraid or appear expressionless when they are feeling excited, leading to misunderstandings when more neurotypical people erroneously apply their own system for decoding emotion to the situation.
Strategies for Cross-Neurotype Empathic Attunement
In order to connect emotionally, it’s necessary to both express yourself clearly and actively work to accurately understand others. This requires effective communication, and when the speakers have different neurotypes, some adjustments might need to be made.
Ideally, the adjustments are happening on both sides of the relationship, rather than the autistic individual making all the effort. Below are some strategies that can go a long way toward increasing empathic attunement between individuals with different neurotypes.
Reflective and Active Listening
Reflective listening is a way to paraphrase what the other person has said to ensure correct understanding; it works regardless of neurotype. It demonstrates interest in what the person is saying and helps clarify communication if something has been misunderstood. If you are trying to empathize with someone, you can say something like, “So you’re disappointed that…” and then paraphrase what you heard.
In active listening, if the person being empathized with is more neurotypical, nonverbal cues, such as nodding, maintaining eye contact (as long as it doesn’t distract from your ability to listen), and facing the speaker, are ways to nonverbally show engagement and help them feel heard. If the person being empathized with is autistic, they may actually prefer that you not make eye contact or face them directly.
Also, asking relevant questions encourages the speaker to elaborate, which provides the opportunity to collect more information to more deeply understand their thoughts and feelings.
Verbal and Nonverbal Communication Strategies
Neurotypical people can improve empathic interactions by using very direct language to explain what they are experiencing. For example, if an autistic person does not respond in the way you expect, try using explicit language such as, “I’m feeling devastated because I worked so hard on that report, and I only got a C on it.” You may find this triggers incredible empathy in the autistic individual.
If verbal and nonverbal communication is a challenge for an autistic individual, working with either a speech therapist or an autism life coach like those at Thrive Autism Coaching can help enhance verbal expression and help autistic individuals communicate their thoughts and emotions in a way that is more easily understood by others around them.
If you find verbal communication challenging in emotional contexts, you can also try texting with each other. This slows everything down and enables you to think through what you want to say before you say it.
Ask for Clarification When Emotions Are Unclear
This goes both ways in autistic and neurotypical communication. When emotions or intentions are unclear, you can use phrases like “Can you help me understand...?” or “I want to understand. Can you explain a bit more about why you’re upset?”
You can also encourage others to provide feedback on whether you correctly understood their emotions or intentions through reflective listening.
Final Thoughts on Autism and Empathy
Navigating empathy between neurotypical and autistic individuals requires understanding, patience, and a willingness to embrace diverse ways of expressing emotions. As we explored in part 1, autistic individuals often experience and express empathy differently, which can lead to misunderstandings in neurotypical contexts. In this post, we’ve addressed the unique differences autistic individuals exhibit, including difficulties with interpreting social cues, sensory sensitivities, processing delays, and conditions like alexithymia that can make emotional expression more complex.
To bridge these differences, both neurotypical and autistic individuals can benefit from strategies such as reflective listening, direct communication, and asking for clarification when emotions or intentions are unclear. By adjusting our communication styles – whether by providing clear, explicit emotional language or allowing for more time to process responses – we can strengthen empathic connections across neurotypes. It's also crucial for neurotypical individuals to recognize that empathy doesn't always look the same and that autistic expressions of care may not align with conventional expectations.
Ultimately, building a more inclusive world means recognizing and respecting the different ways different people express empathy. By practicing open communication and being mindful of each other's differences, we can foster deeper, more meaningful relationships that honor neurodiversity and create a world where everyone feels understood and valued.