By guest writer Becky Moody
In part one of this two-part series, I discussed some tips for autistic and ADHD individuals to engage in info dumping (or infodumping) in spaces that will be receptive and supportive. In part two here, I will provide suggestions for the more neurotypical friends and family members who want to improve how they communicate with their autistic and ADHD loved ones.
Info dumping is one style of communication that autistic people engage in, during which they spout off facts about a subject that they find fascinating whether that interest is shared by the listener or not. In part one, we explored how infodumping helps autistic people communicate and bond with others. We also looked at some of the benefits infodumping has on their emotional health.
With all of the wonderful benefits that info dumping has to provide, you may be wondering how you can foster a healthy, safe environment for your autistic loved one to share their interests while still maintaining your own boundaries.
While it may not be practical or realistic to talk about automobiles or different types of sharks (or whatever special interest lights up your loved one) all day long, you can do your part to honor and even celebrate the way your loved one communicates.
Info Dumping Tips for Family, Friends, and Allies
For autistic and ADHD individuals, the responsibility should not fall squarely on us to seek out audiences who are willing to listen to info dumping about our specific special interests, and it should also not be solely our job to learn non-autistic social cues on our own.
Neurotypical folks with autistic loved ones can also do their part to ensure their loved ones feel heard and valued while still helping them navigate social expectations and setting good boundaries. Here are some tips on how you can do that.
Consider it a Compliment
I promise, your autistic teen or adult child is not listing off every fact they know about whatever their special interest is to annoy you! They’re doing it because they love you, and they love their special interest, and they want to share something they love with you!
If your autistic or ADHD loved one rapidly fires off facts about something they love, they want to bond and connect with you. Make time for them just as you would for any other loved one who wants your attention. Listening, even with time limits, communicates love and respect.
Practice Active Listening
Don’t just smile and nod when your autistic loved one engages in info dumping! Get involved in the conversation, and if it seems appropriate, ask good questions about your autistic loved one’s interests. For example, if your autistic partner won’t stop talking about Super Smash Bros, ask them who their favorite character is. Better yet, ask them if they’d be willing to teach you how to play! Your loved one will feel heard and valued.
Parents of autistic and ADHD teens and adults can leverage the times their child is willing to info dump to connect more deeply with them and use the info dumping sessions as opportunities to model active listening behaviors that their teen or adult can learn from, such as using body language to demonstrate you are listening and interjecting acknowledgement that you’ve heard them.
Set Gentle Boundaries
Whenever possible, I drop whatever I’m doing to listen to my husband info dump about Star Wars and X-Men. He loves doing this every time a new show or movie comes out, and after we watch it together, he will spend the next half hour after the show explaining the lore and what he thinks will happen next in the franchise.
Based on my own experiences, the last thing I want my husband to feel is unloved or like I’m not interested in what he has to say. However, it’s not always possible for me to drop what I’m doing for an info dump session, and some days I don’t have the mental bandwidth to engage in a conversation with anyone at all.
At times like this, it’s helpful for me to have a script prepared when my husband wants to info dump, but I am, for whatever reason, unable to give him my undivided attention. I may say something like, “I’d love to hear you tell me what you think will happen in the next episode of X-Men ’97, but I have an article I’m writing that I need to finish. If you’d like, you can tell me during dinner.”
Or I might say, “I’ve had a very long day, and I want to be fully present so I can give you the attention you deserve. But maybe you can tell me about the most recent episode of The Bad Batch when we practice light saber fighting this weekend.”
The key here is to let your loved one know that you value what they have to say and that you would love to engage with them, but you are unable to do so at this time. You want to make sure you are in a space where you can actively listen to your loved one infodump and give them your full and enthusiastic attention.
Furthermore, if you tell your loved one you will listen to them at a later time, honor the commitment you have made to them. Do not just tell your autistic loved one you will make time to listen to them gush about their special interests at a later time and then not honor that commitment.
Help Them Connect With Others
If this is appropriate to your situation, helping your loved one connect with others who share the same passions will give them a very natural outlet for info dumping where they may even develop friendships and deeper relationships.
If you hear about a convention or a meetup event related to your autistic or ADHD loved one’s special interest, tell them about it! Meeting people who also love the same things and can’t wait to gush about them is one of the best feelings out there!
Conclusion
For autistic and ADHD individuals, rattling off facts about the things we’re passionate about is a hallmark of how we communicate. While there is a time and a place for info dumping, fostering those spaces can be incredibly validating for autistic people.
Info dumping should not automatically be corrected or redirected, though there is a time and a place for everything. Putting boundaries around the activity are okay, but encouraging your autistic or ADHD loved one to info dump and showing them that their enthusiasm for their passions is honored and respected can improve their self-esteem and your connection to one another.
For more ideas on how to facilitate spaces where your autistic loved one’s passions for their special interests are celebrated, contact Thrive Autism Coaching today to explore coaching for parents of autistic and ADHD teens and adults. You can schedule a complimentary consultation from here.
About the Author
Becky Moody, best known by her stage name Alaizabel Cray, is a neurodivergent actress, dancer, and writer residing in Denver, Colorado with her husband and two cats. Her work and social media pages can be found at https://linktr.ee/alaizabelcray.